How to quiet your inner critic part 2

by Mindset Tips

You know how people talk about their “inner child?”

Well what if I told you that your inner child and your inner critic were essentially the same thing.

When people talk about “telling your inner critic to shut up” or “silencing your inner critic,” I cringe. Because you’re basically telling your 5 or 15-year-old self to shut up. And you’re saying their worries and concerns aren’t valid.

I learned this back when worked with my coach and former therapist Brent Charlton.

He developed this process that can makes life-long worries and anxieties disappear.

It’s based around this idea of “ego states.”

Ego states are basically patterns of thinking and feeling that we develop at different parts of our life. 

You’ve got your “child” ego state. 

Whenever you feel overwhelmed, scared, afraid you did something wrong, worried you’re not good enough — and basically want to curl up an a ball and hide from the world — that’s because your “child” ego state has been activated.

When you’re angry, aggressive, mean, harsh, or posturing, that’s your “teen” ego state.

And when you’re rational, confident, and trust your ability to handle situations, that’s your “adult” ego state.

When your “inner critic” is mean and harsh with you, that’s basically your teenage self. It’s the patterns of thoughts and feelings you developed in that time echoing at you.

And your teen is being mean because it’s trying to protect your inner child. Your inner child is scared and insecure, so your teen lashes out to protect them.

You see this pattern play out in real life all the time.

For example, copywriters who get all angry when someone critiques their copy. They start huffing how the other person doesn’t know anything and posturing about how smart they are and blah blah blah.

That’s their teen being activated. And their teen is lashing out because deep down, they actually feel inscure. They worry their writing isn’t good or they messed up or they’re not gooe enough. Those worries come from their child. 

When you see people with this hard outer shell being aggressive and angry and pointing the finger blaming everyone around them, that’s the inner teen at work. And they are simply protecting that scared child inside them that feels like they aren’t good enough.

So your inner critic is basically your inner teenager.

Now think of yourself at 16. If you said something and you were then ignored or told to shut up, would you be cool with that?

Would you calm down and feel at peace? Or would you get upset?

Same thing happens in our heads now. Telling our inner critic to shut up or ignoring it just activates it more.

So instead, you validate it.

Here’s a helpful exercise:

When that voice in your head is criticizing you and making you feel like crap, see it as a 16 year old version of yourself.

Then, have a conversation with that 16-year-old version of yourself.

Really imagine them with you, wearing whatever you wore as a teenager.

Let them know you hear their concerns. You can see they are angry and upset and however else they feel and that it’s normal for them to feel that way. 

Then talk to them like you would if your 16 year old self was actually in the room. Avoid shaming or blaming them. Talk to them lovingly and with compassion. And let them know that you’ve go this situation handled and they don’t need to worry about it.

Brent has a very specific process for how to have this conversation.  It’s incredible, and you can learn it here. (I’m not an affiliate, just sharing his course because his work has been the most transformative thing I’ve done.)

Talking to my “inner teen” and inner child has been outrageously helpful in my own life.

When my “inner critic” gives me crap about how I did a bad job at improv or wasn’t social enough at a party or wrote something that I think nobody liked, I have a little chat with my teen.

I let him know his feelings and thoughts are valid. I share some info about the situation he may not know. And I let him know I’ve got the situation handled.

The anger and anxiety and fear generally drops from like a 7 to a 3. And when I do Brent’s full process, sometimes the thing that got me upset just stops bothering me for good.

Btw I know people who were taught a similar thing in therapy and they find it helpful. So it’s not just me 🙂

If this was helpful, or you buy Brent’s course, let me know. 


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Brian Mccarthy Mindset Coaching, Denver CO

Hi, I’m Brian

Through science-based methods that I’ve personally tested and found success in, I can assist you with freeing yourself from the mental blocks that are holding you back from living a happier, more confident life.


If you liked this post, you’re gonna love these…

How An Agora Copywriter Conquered Procrastination And Cut 4 Hours Off His Workday

How An Agora Copywriter Conquered Procrastination And Cut 4 Hours Off His Workday

Branko was a copywriter that felt overwhelmed by procrastination. Every project he took on seemed to take him forever, and it began to stress him out so much that he couldn’t even enjoy his free time. Thankfully, he was able to get over the habit of procrastinating by uncovering the underlying fears and beliefs driving the behavior, and finding tools and steps that allowed him to break through them. Now, Branko looks back at how much has changed through this journey!

Building Resilience

Building Resilience

I've had long Covid since Aug 2020. Every 3 months, I get severe brain fog and fatigue that lasts 1-2 weeks. (I'm on day 12 of one now.)I feel fine in the morning. By early afternoon, all I can do is lay on the couch.I can't read, journal, or meditate. All I can do is...

The Truth About Procrastination

The Truth About Procrastination

5 Science-based steps to go from dragging your feet to taking massive, consistent action on any goal.

Used to help my clients:
— Write a book
— Start exercising and lose 50lbs
— Cut 4 hours off their workday
— Launch a successful podcast
— Launch a business they love while working full-time

Quieting Your Inner Critic Part 3

Quieting Your Inner Critic Part 3

A coaching client recently told me: "I've spent years learning how to start a business but I haven't taken any action on anything I learned." I asked, "Really? No action?" Then he started listing off things he had done. The website he built for his wife... the...

How A 7-Figure Business Owner Conquered Self-Doubt To Land a 6-figure Book Deal, Lose 50lbs, And Take 45 Days Off In A Quarter

How A 7-Figure Business Owner Conquered Self-Doubt To Land a 6-figure Book Deal, Lose 50lbs, And Take 45 Days Off In A Quarter

Dayna is a busy 7-figure online business owner and mom. She was “riddled with self-doubt” and went 7 years without ever taking a real vacation from her work.

See how she overcame the mental blocks keeping her stuck. Helping her to skyrocket her confidence, land a 6-figure book deal, lose 50lbs and even take 45 days off in one quarter to be with her family.

Quiet your Inner Critic – Part 1

Quiet your Inner Critic – Part 1

When I started copywriting, my "inner critic" hated everything I wrote. There was A LOT of self-loathing back then. I'd spend days on sales page applying all the tricks and methods I'd learned, only to stare at it and think, "This is terrible. I suck at this." Then...