What I Learned Spending 10 Years and $100,000 on Personal Development

I spent the first 25 years of my life doing all the things I was “supposed” to.

Go to a good school. Get good grades. “Follow your passion!” Be a good person.

I figured if I did all that stuff things would just kinda work out.

Nope!

I ended with a BA in Psychology, $20,000 in debt earning $10.25/hour working the graveyard shift at a mental health treatment facility. (The staff there was regularly assaulted by residents. I quit after getting punched in the face.)

On top of that, my dating life was a barren wasteland. The mere thought of talking to a pretty girl at a bar made every cell in my body scream “NOOOOO RUN AWAYY!!!”

So instead of “everything working out” I was broke, aggressively single, and just lost

Then I stumbled into the world of personal development.

I was blown away to learn that I could build my confidence, improve my social skills, and take control of my life

I thought, “Why don’t they teach this stuff in school!?”

That led me to become a copywriter. Because I wanted to share all this cool personal growth stuff while making good money and working form anywhere.

The first year and a half I barely survived, even had to sell my car to pay rent.

But I eventually cobbled together a nice little copy career. I got to work with industry leaders including James Schramko, Ramit Sethi, Art of of Charm, Rhonda Britten,

Work was fun. Money was good.

And I even spent 2 full years living out of a suitcase traveling the world.

But then I started thinking…

“Do I really want to do this for the rest of my life?”

Specifically the copywriting part.

I thought, “If I’m still writing sales pages in 10 years, would I be happy?”

I could feel every cell in my body scream, “Hell no!”

I started to look for something that was a better expression of who I am.

I wanted a job I’d love so much I wouldn’t want to retire from it.

And the answer was coaching.

In college, I figured I’d become a therapist. I was particularly drawn to “positive psychology” and helping people go from “fine” to “thriving”.

But I was disappointed to see that positive psychology careers didn’t really exist outside of doing research. So I didn’t pursue it.

Then in my 20’s, I thought about becoming a life Coach. But my life was such a mess that

I would’ve been the biggest fraud…

…trying to guide others.

And I didn’t want to be one of the many coaches whose life is an utter mess yet act like they act all superior because they read Ekhart Tolle.

Or a coach that got certified in a weekend and just reads the same questions over and over.

I wanted the actual skills to walk someone through a problem and become the best version of themselves.

Fortunately, one of my copywriting clients, Rhonda Britten, was an expert at that.

She’s been doing this since 1995 and even won an Emmy for her NBC show Starting Over, where she helped people transform their lives.

So I took her program and became a Certified Fearless Living Life Coach.

I got the skills to ask questions to guide anyone through any problem.

I also learned…

How to create lasting change

…by helping people overcome the hidden fears keeping them stuck.

Since then, I’ve combined Rhonda’s work with a lot of the work I’d done on my own. From 25-35, I invested nearly $100,000 in personal development coaches and workshops.

I learned to get rid of childhood trauma I didn’t know I had.

Spent weeks in meditation retreats.

Learned to have and express emotions (no easy feat for someone who grew up with the Irish Catholic urge to repress all feelings)

Create healthy habits that actually stick.

Confidently talk in front of a room full of people (instead of shaking like a rusty shake in a hurricane). I even learned to talk to pretty girls.

Best of all, I learned to trust myself. I went from being who I thought I needed to be for people to love me to learning to love myself, be myself, and express myself.

That’s what it really comes down to. So much of our struggles in life — when you really dig deep — comes from us fearing we’re not enough.

Learning to love ourselves is possibly the greatest gift any of us will ever have. It’s what a lot of my coaching is based on.

Everything I learned in that 10 year journey is woven into my coaching.